Graduation

In the last month I have recived the LEAP award (second time), Vice Chancellor’s Honor Recipient and been told I will be graduating Summa Cum Laude.  You would think this would be thrilling, a way to go out with a bang.  I think that it’s the scariest thing ever!  It means there is an expectation.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

That quote has been one of the most inspiring quotes I have ever heard.  However, at this time, 34 days until graduation, I feel nothing but disagreement.  My deepest fear right now is that I am inadequate.  That I will fail.  That all of these awards I have been given and all of the things that I have worked for are just a cover of my inadequacy. I fear that I will just become another being. 

When I played softball for the school, I was a nobody.  I was an okay pitcher with descent grades.  Upon quitting the team, I found myself.  I found out I could actually be great.  I got involved in everything I could and tried.  I LIVED.  And now that I’m going out into the real world, I’m scared that I will go back into the routine that I was when I was in softball.  Just being another descent worker, getting through the days.

Maybe that is what that quote is talking about.  Maybe now that I have found out that I can be great, it’s actually what is scaring me.  That there is now an expectation because it IS possible.

34 days to find out what I’m really made of.